2008-09-04 太極拳の稽古，再開。
_ 李老師をはじめ，弟子たちも８月はいろいろあって，太極拳の稽古はお休みにした。そして，昨日，一カ月ぶりに稽古を再開。
わたしとしては，休み中も，かなりまじめに自主的に稽古に励んだつもりだった。しかし，いざフタを開けてみると，前半はきちんとできてなかなかいいぞ，と思っていたのだが，後半に入ると脚がふらついてバランスがうまくとれない。途中で，李老師がみるにみかねたか「みなさん，お休みの間，稽古をしてましたか？」と問う。あわてて西谷さんの顔をみる。かれもわたしの顔をみて，なんとか答えろ，というサインを送ってくる。仕方ないので，正直に「自分としてはかなり稽古をしたつもりです」と答える。そのあと，きびしい指摘があって，わたしとしては一瞬，緊張がはしる。「腰の回転と，脚の使い方がずれている」と。
一人稽古というのはむつかしいものだなぁと思った。自分としては，これでいい，と信じて稽古をしていた。しかし，一番大事なことを忘れてしまって，自己流になってしまっている。やはり，鏡のあるところで自分の動作を確認しながらやっていないと，大きな間違いをおこしてしまう。やはり，週に一回は老師にみてもらうことが大事なのだ。
それから，スタミナが切れてしまう。一人稽古だと，せいぜい４０分が限度。それで，もういい，という気持ちになってしまう。自分に甘いのである。だから，久しぶりの合同稽古になると，後半に入ってスタミナ切れになってしまう。バランスがとれなくてフラフラしてしまう。脚の筋力が落ちているのだ。やはり，準備運動と基本の稽古をもっとみっちりとやらなくてはいけないのだ。とおしの稽古をすればそれでいい，と勝手に思い込んでいる。これでは駄目なのだ。なにより大事なのは，太極拳をするからだをつくることだ。そのからだができていないのに，とおしの稽古ばかりやってもなんの意味もない。わかっているはずなのに，いざとなるとできない。意志が弱い。
１時間３０分の稽古が余裕でできるだけのスタミナをつけること。やはり，毎日，稽古をする以外にはなかろう。さてはて，それだけの決意ができるものやら。そして，実行ができるものやら。心もとないかぎりではある。
でも，老師のあの気持ちよさそうな境地には，どうしても接近してみたい。上手とか下手とか，そういう問題ではない。太極拳のゴールともいうべき「行雲流水」のあの境地に魅力がある。
また，明日から，気がついたら稽古をしている，というような境地に向かって少しずつ歩いていくことにしよう。
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