2009-04-11 久しぶりに太極拳の稽古。
_ 気持ちが追い込まれていると，太極拳の稽古ができなくなる。時間はつくればいくらでもあるのに・・・・。
今日は，ほんとうに久しぶりに太極拳の稽古をした。ようやく，大きな山場を越えて，いくらか平坦路にさしかかってきたせいか，気持ちの上でずいぶんと楽になる。でも，太極拳の稽古をするには，相当にの気持ちの切り換えが必要だ。オーバーに言えば，ひとり稽古のときは，エイヤッ，と気合いを入れないとできない。
みずからに気合いを入れて稽古をはじめる。やはり，からだが喜んでいるのがわかる。気持ちはすぐに負けてしまうのに，からだは嘘を言わない。素直に喜びを露にする。こころはなにかと理屈をつけては逃げたがる。嘘つきである。自分自身に対してまでも嘘をつく。からだは動きはじめたら，もう，素直に喜ぶ。心配していた手のまわりの感じももとどおり。ありがたい。このあたりから気持ちも乗ってくる。やはり，からだが先だ。こころはあとからついてくる。坐禅でも，まずは，黙って坐れ，と教える。余分なことは考えるな，と。ただ，ひたすら坐っていればおのずからその先は開けてくる，と。
今日の気温は日中は２４℃，湿度は４０％。やや，暑いくらいだが，風はさらっとしている。太極拳をやるには最高。すぐに背中を汗が流れる。これまで溜まっていた余分な水分が細胞からしみ出ていくのが，なんとなくわかる。細胞自体も喜んでいる。その喜びは，その部分の細胞が「ポッと熱くなる」ことでわかる。背中でいうと，腰から徐々に上に上がっていく。その移動がわかる。快感である。自分のからだと対話をしているような気分。太股の筋肉などは，点から点へと移動するように「熱くなるポイント」がわかる。そして，これでもう完璧に準備ＯＫというサインまでくれる。やはり，稽古は積むものだ。
２４式の稽古の方はまだまだ下手くそなので，自分で「目線を優先させて，それにからだがついていくように」とか，「ここで股関節をゆるめる」とか，「手の平の力を抜いて」とか，一つひとつ言い聞かせながらやる。それに答えるようにからだが自然に動いてくれると嬉しい。だんだんとそうなりつつある。そのうちに，なにも考えないでからだが勝手に動くようになる，らしい。老師がそういうのだから間違いはないであろう。老師の動きをみているとそう思う。まるで，この世の人の動きではない。からだが嬉しくて嬉しくて仕方なくなって動いている，ということが見ていてわかる。
さあ，これからもう一段ギアを入れ換えて，本気で稽古に励もうと思う。このさきにどういう「からだ」が待っているのか，なんだか予測できるように思うから，元気もでてくる。これからは，とくに暖かくなるから，からだの怪我の方はあまり心配しなくてもすむ。だから，もっと安心だ。
と，ことばで書くのは簡単なんだが・・・・。ここでも「こころ」は嘘をついているのかもしれない。「こころ」はお調子ものだから，乗せるとすぐにいい方に嘘をつく。沈んでくると逃げる方に嘘をつく。つまり，「合理化」をする。なにかと理屈をつけては「逃げる」のだ。だから，「こころ」は合理化の名人である。からだは理性とはまったく無縁のところで，勝手に反応する。だから，正直なのだ。からだに嘘はつけない理由だ。
ということで，今夜はこれでおしまい。
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