Diary


2008-12-01 ことしも師走に突入。

_ 時間の過ぎ去るのが年々早くなる。ことしももうすでに師走である。嘘みたいな話である。夢ではないかと思う。はたしてこれがほんとうの現実の世界で起きていることなのだろうか,と頬をつねってみる。痛いから現実なのだろうと,自分に言い聞かせる。

ことしの3月末で定年退職して,それからは暇になるはずだった。その暇つぶしの道楽として「21世紀スポーツ文化研究所」を立ち上げ,みんなで楽しく遊ぶことができればいいなぁ,と夢見ていた。しかし,そうは問屋が卸さない。

とくに,なにか大きな仕事をしたわけでもない。かといって,なにもしてこなかったわけでもない。そこそこの仕事はしてきている。ただ,大した生産性もあげ得ないまま,気がつけば,いま,ここにいる。しかも,なにげに忙しい。それが不満なのだろうか。いつも,なにかに追い立てられるように毎日が過ぎ去っていく。こんなはずではなかった。もっと自分の時間を確保して,悠々自適の生活をエンジョイするはずだった。どこか間違っているのだろうか,とチェックしてみるが,とくにどこといって奇怪しいことはない。ごくごくまじめに過ごしている。

では,このなにげに忙しい生活が不満なのか,と自分に問うてみる。と,そこにはなにも不満はないことに気づく。この気ぜわしさは自分が好きでやっているようだ。なにかに追われたり,ときにはなにかを追いかけたり,というシーソー・ゲームを楽しんでいるらしい。ひとり鬼ごっこ。そういう自分がそこにいる。だったら,それでいいではないか。

とまあ,こんなことを考えながら,今日一日を過ごす。やはり,師走なのだ。そのついでに,では,「21世紀スポーツ文化研究所」のこれまでを総括してみる。少しずつではあるが,軌道に乗りつつある。残りの時間でやるべきことは,研究所紀要の発行の準備だ。これまでの『IPHIGENEIA』を継承的に発展させて,<ISC・21>版『IPHIGENEIA』と名称変更をし,版の大きさも小型化してハンディなものにすることを考える。そして,研究所の特色を活かした「投稿規程」の案をつくってみる。こちらは近々,世話人の人たちにチェックしてもらおう。そして,これまでのような個人編集はやめて,編集委員会を組織しよう。原著論文はしかるべき手続をへて審査することにしよう。原稿の枚数は制限なしにしよう。内容さえよければ何枚でもいいではないか。通例の「紀要」ではできないことをやるべし。大部の原著論文,大歓迎にしよう。ただし,冗長なものについてはチェックしよう。編集委員はだれにお願いしようか。などなど,現実と夢の間を往来しながら考える。こういう時間はまことに楽しい。なにものにも代えがたい。まさに,至福のときだ。

こんなことを暇があると考えているので,なにげに忙しいのだ。だから,実際には暇なのだ。暇だからこそ,こんなことを夢見ていられるのだ。その証拠に,この4月からは好きなことばかりやってきたではないか。なにげに忙しいのは好きなことを追いかけているからだ。よし。こうなったら徹底的に「なにげに忙しい」毎日を送ることにしよう。その方が張り合いがあっていい。

そうとなったら,明日から,もっともっと走るぞ。先生業は廃業したけれども・・・。

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