2009-10-01 バタイユの読み直しにとりかかる。
_ 「竹内敏晴さんを囲む会」で，竹内さんと語り合った話を原稿にしてくれたので，それを読み返してみたら，バタイユの本をもう一度しっかりと読み直さなくてはいけない，と反省。
三井悦子さんのお骨折りで，「竹内敏晴さんを囲む会」は全部で４回開催している。いずれのときも，長時間にわたって，わたしたちにお付き合いをくださり，至福のときをすごさせていただいた。竹内さんは，どんなときでも「上からの目線」でものをいうことは，けしてなかった。いつも，わたしたちと「同じ目線」でお話をされた。一つの道を苦労して築き上げてこられた方の生きる姿勢や包容力というものは，わたしのような凡人とはまるで違う世界だ。お会いするたびに，いつも，ありがたいことだと思っていた。なぜなら，いつもお話を伺うつもりでいるのに，気がつくといつのまにかわたしがしゃべりつづけている，しかも，すっかり気をよくして生意気なことまでとうとうとしゃべりつづけているのである。しかも，それを，じっと耳を傾けるようにして聞いてくださり，さらに議論を深めていく方向に舵取りをしてくださるのである。
今回，そんな原稿を読み返しながら，冷や汗たらたら，である。とりわけ，わたしが，さも知ったような顔をして，ジョルジュ・バタイユの「エクスターズ」や「非−知」について語っているくだりなどは，もう，どこかに隠れたくなる。しかも，時間の経過とともに，バタイユ理解の浅さが恥ずかしくなってしまう。にもかかわらず，竹内さんは，一緒に考えよう，という姿勢をくずさず，できるだけ具体的な例を取り上げながら，「エクスターズ」の実態に迫ろうとされる。そして，そのつど，わたしはまるで挑発されているとでも勘違いしたかのように，饒舌になっていく。いま，読み返すと，恥ずかしいことばかりである。
それどころか，この程度の内容では，本にして読んでもらうには，あまりにお粗末であり，「読物」には遠く及ばない。もっともっとすっきりした文章に推敲しなくてはならない。そのためには，バタイユ理解をもっと深めておかなくてはならない。
この他にも理由があって，このところ時間があるとバタイユの本をめくっている。とりわけ，『呪われた部分／有用性の限界』が刺激的だ。バタイユの基本的な概念の一つである「蕩尽」とか「消尽」が導き出されてくる原点ともいうべきものに「ポトラッチ」や「贈与」（マルセル・モース）の問題がある。こちらの問題意識が明確になってきているせいか，どこを読んでも，ハラハラドキドキしてしまう。
同時に，西谷修さんが『非−知』のなかで展開しているバタイユ解釈がまた，じつに魅力的である。こうなったら，もっともっと，という具合にめくる本の数はいやましに増してくる。湯浅博雄さんの『バタイユ 消尽』（講談社学術文庫）もまことにありがたい本の一つである。
竹内敏晴さんを追悼するための本に手抜きは禁物である。バタイユ理解の確証をとりつけて，少しでもいい本にしなくてはなるまい。でも，久しぶりに新たな発見もたくさんあって，この作業は楽しい。いつも，こんな気分で本が読めたらいいのに・・・。といいつつ，寸暇を惜しんで，バタイユ本に取り組んでいる。
今日の発見の一つは，「自己の贈与」。この問題を「ポトラッチ」と重ね合わせて考えると，不思議な世界がひろがってくる。今福さんのいう「勝利至上主義」にからめ捕られることのない「スポーツの可能性」を開く，一つの道筋がちらりとみえてくる。さて，どこまで追い詰めることができることやら・・・。でも，この作業はやめられない。とにかく，行けるところまでは行ってみたいものだ。未知なる道に歩を進めることの愉悦をこそ。
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