2009-10-16 「火」になる，というレッスン。
_ 竹内さんが，「火」になる，というレッスンのことを話してくださったことがある。ご自分が「火」になってしまって，もとに戻れなくなって困った，というお話である。
それは，もう，ほとんどバタイユのいう「エクスターズ」と変わらない地平の経験ではないか，とわたしは考え，そのような考えを述べたことがある。しかし，竹内さんは，「それは違う経験だと思う」「なぜなら，バタイユのエクスターズは主体がなくなってしまうでしょ。わたしの＜火＞は，どこまでいっても＜わたし＞という主体は消えない。＜火＞になってしまった自分をしっかりと観察する＜わたし＞がいる。だから，違うと思うんですよ」と仰ったように記憶する。これも，わたしの記憶だから，ひょっとしたら違う言い方をされたかもしれない。でも，わたしのなかでは，このように記憶されている。
このときのお話と，マルティン・ブーバーの『我と汝』の著書に書かれている，Ｉｃｈ−Ｄｕ，Ｉｃｈ−Ｅｓの関係について熱っぽく語られた竹内さんのお考えとが，わたしのなかではつながっている。なるほど，どこまでいってもＩｃｈという主体があって，そのＩｃｈと「他者」（ＤｕとＥｓ）の関係性をどのように築いていくのかが重要なのだ，と竹内さんはお考えになっていらっしゃるんだな，と。
たしかに，バタイユのいうようにエクスターズしてしまったら，そこには，もはや，レッスンは成立しなくなってしまうだろう。レッスンである以上は，きちんとした理性がはたらき，しっかりとした意識のもとでの状況認識がなければ，それは不可能だろう。
「じか」に触れる経験もまた，そういう地平での「できごと」と考えるべきことなのだろう。現代社会を生きるわたしたちは，いつのまにやら自己を守るために幾重にもバリアを張りめぐらせて，安全地帯に逃げ込んだつもりでいる。しかし，それがあまりに嵩じてしまうと，こんどは「他者」との関係がうまく保てなくなってしまう。わたしたちは，個人差はあるものの，大なり小なり「関係障害」というものに陥っている。そういう人たちが年々，増えつづけている，と竹内さんは仰る。
この人たちに必要なことは，みずから張りめぐらせたバリアを一つひとつ，取り外してあげることだ，という。それらを取り外していくと，次第に，生まれたときからの，本来の自己を取り戻してくる。そして，ついには，あるがままの自然の自己にたどりつく。その地平に広がっているのが，竹内さんの仰る「じか」という「時空間」であり，「経験」なのであろう。それを，わたしは，西田幾多郎のいう「場所」というようには考えられないだろうか，とお尋ねしたことがある。ここでも，いとも簡単に，「それは違うと思う」と否定された。そのときの印象では，竹内さんは西田幾多郎はお好きではないな，というものだった。あの世代の人たちには，西田幾多郎アレルギーとでもいうべきものをお持ちの方が多い。もちろん，ブーバーの思想・哲学と西田幾多郎のそれとは相容れないものが多々あるから，当然といえば当然のことなのだが・・・・。
Ｉｃｈを拠点にして，他者との関係性をどこまでもさぐる実践と思考を深めていかれた竹内さんのお仕事を，わたしは，もう一度，はなから考え直さないといけない，と最近，しみじみと考えている。そして，バタイユの思想・哲学との位置関係をきちんとさせておかなくては・・・と。
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